Hermes's Inbox
by SongofRejoice
Summary: Everybody loves Hermes, the Greek god of messengers. But, nobody seems to realize the amount of stupidity and anger he has to put up with. After all, these are the Greek gods and goddesses we're talking about. Take a look inside Hermes' inbox, and see the messages he receives from his relatives. This is full of humor and cracktastic-ness!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome, readers! This is a PJatO fanfiction, based on our favorite messenger, Hermes! This is all based on the messages Hermes receives in his inbox. As you'll be able to see, being the messenger of the gods is full of interesting conversations. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN PJatO! THE BOOKS BELONG TO RICK RIORDAN AND HIS AMAZING MIND! I ONLY OWN THE IDEA/ PLOT OF THIS FANFICTION!  
**

**Ok, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, please enjoy. And don't forget to R&R!**

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Nemesis**

_Yo, Lord Hermes! Where's that spear I asked 4? Better get it 2 me soon, or u'll be hearing from ME!_

_Remembrance,_

_Nemesis_

Nemesis, sorry about the delay. There was a problem at Hephaestus' forge. I promise I'll get it to you a.s.a.p.! In the meantime, try not to go all "alpha goddess" on someone!

Yours,

Hermes

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Artemis**

_Hermes, Just wanted to make sure the schedule is right for the next council meeting. I got all of it except 8:00-9:00 p.m.! Please tell me soon!_

_In family love,_

_Artemis (p.s. Apollo's been ignoring his email! Please tell him 4 me, that he left 1 of his iPods at my tent. If he doesn't get it soon, I'll destroy it!)_

Alright I'll tell him. Your schedule from 8:00-9:00 is time with Apollo and Zeus. He said that he has some things 2 work out with u 2.

_Oh, Joy! Thx anyways Hermes._

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Eros**

_Hey! How's my favorite uncle?_

Eros. What do you want?!

_Well that's not a nice way to talk to your nephew._

-.- I don't have time for this. I got a job to do, so you either tell me what you want or I'm ignoring you.

_WAIT!_

…Yes?

_Nothing I just wanted to say hi_

…I hate you.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, so this was completely random...I found it floating around on my computer and I thought "Why not?". This is some of my older work, and I'm pretty sure I made this one boring afternoon. Anyways, here's the cool part. If enough people like this, I will continue these messages. However, I want you guys to suggest ideas for who Hermes should get messages from next! If you have an idea, please leave me the following in your review:  
**

**1. Who messages Hermes (gods/goddesses only for right now guys, sorry)  
**

**2. What the message is about( Ex: Ares is looking for his missing motorcycle)  
**

**I'll choose about two or three for each chapter, so if it's not in the next chapter, don't get discouraged. I'll probably use it in a later chapter.  
**

**~SongofRejoice  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yay! It's Chapter numero dos! I decided that I should add a chapter, considering all the lovely reviews I've gotten. I'd like to thank you all for helping me start off my first multiple-chapter story on Fanfiction. Well, enough of me babbling, let's do the disclaimer and get this show on the road!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJatO or any of Rick Riordan's awesome characters *goes to cry in corner***

* * *

To: Hermes

From: Zeus

_Hello, Hermes._

Lord Zeus? You do know I have a private email for you and the other council members to use. I barley ever get through these emails, the ones on my personal address get answered more often.

_LORD ZEUS?! I am your FATHER!_

Yeah uh ok, hello Father.

_Don't be sarcastic Hermes, I don't need to see your face to know that you are._

O.o

_Hermes?_

**(15 minutes later)**

Yes?

_Where the HADES were you?!_

Delivering messages, what else?

_Why didn't you answer me?_

…..You scared me.

_... _

* * *

To: Hermes

From: Demeter

_Hello nephew._

Um, hi Lady Demeter…..can I help you with something?

_Yes. I need you to tell your sons something._

…..Which ones?

_Travis and Connor Stoll. They are harassing my daughter._

Travis and Connor? You've got to be kidding me. They would never….wait, do you mean Katie Gardner?

_The very same. Why?_

Oh, man. Demeter, I can't help you with that. You're asking the wrong person, I think this might be a better question for Aphrodite.

_Why would Aphrodite be included in this?_

You mean you don't know? Aphrodite has been going on and on about it. She even gave it a name, **Tratie**.

_Huh?_

Oh, you're going to make me spell it out for you. Travis is in love with your daughter!

_WHAT?!...Well Katie would never date him anyways._

Hey! What's wrong with my son? I think he'd make a great boyfriend.

_Yes, well, he is very sneaky and not very responsible…_

-.-

_And he doesn't eat enough cereal…he really DOES take after his father!_

Oh Zeus. Not this again.

_Why don't you eat more cereal? It will help you gain some actual muscles Hermes._

HEY! I have muscles! They're just not on steroids like Ares'.

_Oh but there are so many brands of cereal to choose from…_

I'm ignoring you.

_Just don't by that Lucky Charms crap. That's NOT healthy_

…Goodbye

* * *

**A/N: XD lol, I love Hermes! Ah, just to let you guys know, I cracked myself up while writing this. Hopefully it's not too lame. Alright, so the message between Zeus and Hermes was an original from my mind. :) I bet you could all tell. The second conversation was an idea given to me by:**

**_Guest_  
**

**I know it's not really descriptive...so's here's what I'm gonna do. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave me a username, so I can credit you all for your ideas. Even if you don't have an account make one up like "MuffinPenguin" or something.  
**

**Keep sending in those ideas guys, one of the ideas from recent reviews I'm already writing out for the next chapter. Well, hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving!  
**

**~SongofRejoice  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hola! I'm back with Chapter 3! I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, but I finally got a break in my homework and decided to update. Well, here you go.  
**

**Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Olympians belongs to Rick Riordan, not me. :(**

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Kronos**

_Hello, grandson._

…..Kronos?

_Yes._

Uh…..I do think I'm allowed to talk to you….

_WAIT!_

Yes?

_I need you to do something for me._

And what would that be?

_Get me out of Tartarus._

Uh, how about….NO. I serve the gods of Olympus, not Titans.

_Aw, c'mon. We're family._

Sorry, but I don't feel like getting burnt to a crisp by Zeus today.

_Some father he is, burning his children._

You're one to talk; you _ate_ your own kids.

_Eh, it builds character._

O.O…..yeah, and that character overthrew you and cast you into a pit.

_Well, yes…..but you have to get me out of here! Hades has been singing "Nobody Knows" and he __**sucks**__!_

Wait a minute, Hades sings?!

_Yeah, but not very well. So about getting me out of here?_

Not gonna happen.

_Please?_

No.

_Aw….. _

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Zeus**

_Hello, son._

Hi

_Do you happen to know where my lightning bolts are?_

You mean the new ones you ordered?

_Yes, I need them for the next council meeting._

Why? I thought council was supposed to be peaceful!

_Not to use, to show off._

….Right. Because you should totally rub it in.

_Yes, yes I should._

You know, some of us don't get upgrades on our weapons every other week.

_What does that mean?!_

Uh… nothing….I'll get you those lightning bolts a.s.a.p.!

* * *

**A/N: I know I only did two, but the conversation with Kronos was pretty long. Anyways, thanks to:** Jc & Kitty in Boots **for your awesome ideas. Keep giving me ideas guys, I can't do it without you! Thanks for reading, and please review :)**

**~SongofRejoice  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Annnnnd... Chapter 4! Finally I've updated, sorry for such the wait you guys. :( My only excuse is I've been lazy...and school. That's about it...  
**

**Disclaimer: PJatO belongs to Rick Riordan, not me.  
**

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Hestia**

_Hermes,_

_I know you are a very busy god, and you don't have a lot of time on your hands. I also know that you are very stressed out about your children and workload. For this reason, I apologize in advanced for bothering you. I contacted you because I seem to be running out of some rare herbs I use for cooking. I'd send a demigod on a quest for some, but most of them don't know who I am. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, would you get me some?_

Hi, Aunty. You don't have to be so formal when you're talking to me, just for future references. And about those herbs; I'll see what I can do. Just send me a list of the specific herbs you need.

_Thank you so much. Hermes. You're such a sweet boy; how about you stop by my place and I'll treat you to some cookies and nectar?_

COOKIES? I'd LOVE to! Thanks tons, Aunty! I'll be right over!

**To: Hermes**

**From: Athena**

_ERMIS! YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION AS TO **WHY** MY ORDER OF HARRY POTTER BOOKS TURNED OUT TO BE TWILIGHT NOVELS!_

Uh…w-what?

_You heard me, you little THEIF. My beautiful Harry Potter series has been corrupted by sparkly vampires and werewolves who can't keep their shirts on! I want ANSWERS!_

Ouch….that wasn't very nice.

_HERMES….._

Honestly, Athena. I don't know why they turned out to be Twilight books, I just delivered the package. Don't shoot the messenger…..

_Uh-huh. For some odd reason, I don't believe you._

You can drop the sarcasm, Athena. I SWEAR on the River Styx I had nothing to do with your screwed up book order. And I have far better things to do than try to fix your problem. I'll be happy to take back the order, but YOU can re-order the books.

_….Fine. But if I find out you had ANYTHING to do with this mix up, Zeus help me, I will personally smite you twenty times over, and each time you start to heal, I'll pour hydra acid on your wounds. Do we understand eachother?_

O.o Y-yeah, heard you loud and clear.

* * *

**A/N: Whoo, we learned quite a lot about the gods in this chapter. I'm sorry if the messages weren't as funny this time. I am writing this late at night, trying to update it as a duel "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year"gift to all my lovely reviewers. I'd like to thank you all for being awesome, and supporting me. Really, authors don't know if we should continue/ change something without feedback. So I really am thankful for that. **

**One other thing guys, _Ermis_ is Hermes in actual Greek. Just wanted to clear up that it wasn't a typo.  
**

**Also, thank you to: **Phantomhawk-writer** and **bat fan1987** for your ideas. I love you guys to death, all of your ideas are gold! Keep 'em coming!  
**

**~SongofRejoice  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello lovelies! I am finally back with Chapter Cinco! Since I'm on summer break, I can now write updates to all of my stories! Mwahahaha *cough*. Um, anyways, here it is, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJatO or any of Rick Riordan's brilliance. :,(**

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: Anonymous**

_Hello_

Um…hi. Who is this?

_Your worst nightmare._

What?

_Yes. I know everything about you._

…

_I watch you when you sleep_

HUH?!

_I know when you're awake_

_I know if you've been bad or good…_

Oh myself! Who ARE you?

_If I tell you, I'd have to kill you._

…I can't die

…_..Well…then I'd have to…..um….._

Do want to just tell me who you are already?

_NEVER! _

…..Yup. Well I'm gonna ignore you now and act like this didn't just happen.

* * *

**To: Hermes**

**From: RatsRGood**

_Hellooooo~_

Um, hi?

_Yes, I would like to request a delivery_

Ok, what for?

_Five crates of dead rats._

….

_What?_

What the hell, George?!

_*le gasp* How'd you know it was me?_

REALLY? "RatsRGood"? Your entire order?

_Oh. Yes, well, I'd still like some rats._

And you couldn't just ask me in person because~?

…_I'm too lazy?_

Oh Zeus! Dude, you're in my pocket! How hard is it to ask me? Jeeze, no wonder the postal service is so slow, employees like you are just being lazy!

_Calm down. It's not like it's that serious…_

POSTAL DELIVERY IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER! NO ONE EVER UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH TIME AND EFFORT GOES INTO THE DELIVERY OF MAIL! I just…wait a minute. Why am I still messaging you when I could talk to you in person? Zeus, I'm losing it….

* * *

**To: Hermes **

**From: Mercury**

_Hello other me._

Hello…we meet again.

_It appears so._

So… how have you been?

_Good, I suppose. And you?_

Fine. My two boys Connor and Travis called me from the NYPD station. They needed me to bail them out of jail.

_Ah, yes. Kids can be such a hassle. I remember just a few years ago, one of my kids got into some trouble._

You mean **our** kids, right?

_Uhm…yes…__**our**__..kids_

…Awkward….anyways, what did your-I mean…**our** kid do?

_Well, he tried to take over the gods by raising an army and storming our home, but one kid named….Percival? Yeah, he saved the day but killed my son in the process._

Whoa. Wait a minute….that sounds like MY kid.

_Our kid._

No as in the Greek demigod Luke

_Yes, that's the boy's name_

Yeah, but he's my son.

_No…_

Yes, he's mine, he's Greek.

_Oh…um…that's strange I could've sworn he was mine…_

Whoa, talking to you is getting me really confused man.

_Yes, I am experiencing an outrageously strong headache now._

Same, look I'm gonna stop talking to yo before I go insane, no offense.

_None taken, I totally follow you man._

* * *

**A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this one. So, I took the whole idea of George and his rat message from the lovely** Cmedance**. The other two were originals of mine. To honor the not-so-newest book Rick Riordan released for the PJatO/ HoO series I made the little conversation between Hermes and...himself. :D. Thank you all for your support and don't forget to review!**_  
_

**~SongofRejoice**


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